Yesterday evening I had a choice and decided not to go over Mt. Galero.
It was interesting to observe my thoughts and feelings about it:
“I’m lazy. I’m a loser. This is your big chance and you’re missing it. This isn’t doing the Alta Via dei Monte Liguri. (the AVML goes over the mountain) “
etc. etc. But then, in deciding not to do it I realized I was being more responsible to myself and my happiness and wellbeing, and being my own friend.
If my goal is somehow athletic, real athletes do this. They learn their limits and don’t overdo it. They learn a certain amount of positive self – talk. In my case, I’m realising how good it is for my body to do this. It is really life changing and helping me recover from physical burnout. But that means taking it gradually. Also, my lower back was still sore from having the shoulder straps too tight the day before. Since I don’t have a coach with me, there is no choice but to be my own coach.
It then occured to me that trekking and Vipassana – a form of silent meditation retreat – have many things in common.
First of all, in solo trekking you are largely silent. I do meet people, and also use the phone to stay in touch, take photos, etc. But it is unavoidable that I am often alone with my thoughts for several hours while putting one foot in front of the other.
Similar to what I’ve heard about vipassana retreats, this can be unpleasant in the beginning, especially if we haven’t had this time to clean out our minds for a while. We accumulate the noise and after-effects from daily life in our minds, brains, and bodies over time.
De – noising can be very unpleasant, since we see everything and are faced with it. Ugh.
This time, however, rather than numbing ourselves with the usual methods (usually some kind of consumption), we keep facing it. (Though audiobooks, breaks at huts, etc. make this more bearable – the goal is not masochism or martyrdom, unhealthy tendencies that probably caused us our problems to begin with!)
We keep going and gradually construct ways to deal with all of it.
Similarly, over time our minds and bodies settle down about food, things we need to actually carry, etc. Somehow the more mental “junk” we have, the longer this seems to take.
After a week or so, I’m finding that water, sleep, and staying mostly dry are the most important things. Everything else largely belongs to the “noise” category. I’m even considering getting rid of the small alcohol stove. Over time we see how anxiety and worry translate into real physical burden with real unhealthy consequences. (This extra weight is quite noticeable over distance, and significantly reduces how far I can go, making the trip more painful and expensive, harder to walk to nearby towns, more complicated to camp, etc.)
I’m still going through the discomfort of this transformation. Slowly slowly. It took a while to become sedentary, it takes a while and patience to undo it.
caveman spaceman 